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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Cweth's LiveJournal:

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Monday, June 13th, 2011
3:48 pm
started back to work
Well... it's been over a year that I've been on various leaves from work... stress leave, sick leave, family leave, parental leave... my old job position got discontinued for the new budget year, and two new positions were created to take my place. I'm not sure if my employer had me in mind for any of the future positions, but I found better employment elsewhere, and I hope they get someone who does a decent job of replacing me.

I'm working at Chief Atahm School, the Secwepemc immersion program on my reserve. I will be managing their technical needs, as well as heading up some creative projects, and providing technical backup on other projects. I'll be continuing Battle Galaxy, and a couple website projects, as well as helping out with a puppet tv show show that they have been working on. It is basically my dream job, except the pay is ok enough to live on(almost), but we're not going to get rich with it. Not sure what I'm going to do about that. Maybe my novel writing career will take off, and we'll be millionaires.

Well, I have no brainpower to edit this, so if it's poorly written, I will never know. At least spell check keeps me from looking too silly.

Current Mood: cheerful
Friday, November 19th, 2010
4:56 pm
Hiring an Assistant for Battle Galaxy
I have reworked the budget to include hiring an assistant for 3 weeks. Sekwaw Matthew will be taking on some of the job of creating materials and textures for the characters, and possibly some of the environmental elements to make them prettier/cooler.

Other than that, I hope she'll have time to help me set up the frames for the final rendering of the animation, and that way I can focus on special effects and sound effects to make it super cool.

I'm struggling to figure out what to do for the music aspect. Some of it should be traditional Secwepemc music, of course, but I'd like some upbeat modern music as well. Which will also have to be in Secwepemctsin.

Later, I'll post a rendering from a possible scene from the starting sequence of episode 1.

I am spending only a little bit of time thinking about the direction of my novel, but what I'm generally thinking so far, is that this first storyline will be background for future novels in the same world. so instead of breaking my story up into a trilogy... I'll just make a gigantic volume... probably a thousand pages or so... of detailed stories of legendary figures from the world. I'm excited... and one day, an amazing idea will evolve to be the novel I am preparing for. That will be an awesome day :D

Current Mood: excited
Monday, November 8th, 2010
11:57 am
My work in progress
I am not a short story writer. I love the novel as a story telling format, and I think in terms of novels; however, I really want to get my Parker Pawn story perfected, and possibly write a series of short stories on him. I have some really great ideas for where this character can go in future stories, but I'm struggling to learn the art of the short story.

regardless of my shame from it's inadequacy, here is my short story as it now stands:

Parker Pawn

Current Mood: happy
11:34 am
What is my Battle Galaxy project?
Battle Galaxy is a 3d animated movie being produced by an Aboriginal language immersion school called Chief Atahm. It has been my project since the beginning, but the progress has been slow due to time constraints on my part, and budget constraints on the school's part.

It was written by myself, and my then 5 year old son. He wanted to draw inspiration from two of his favourite shows, which were Star Wars, and Dragon Ball Z. So the script is reminiscent of Dragonball Z style stories, where the plot is about a very long drawn out battle with a single opponent that takes a long time to resolve. The characters, and universe are like Star Wars. An evil empire is ruling the galaxy, and a band of magic wielding knights are there to fight them. The Teqwilc (which, in Secwemepmctsin, means wizard / priest / spiritual leader) train young warriors in the magical arts, and in wielding laser swords in hopes that their army can defeat the oppression caused by the evil nintse army's occupation.

Target audience is probably about 5-9 year olds.

I have 5 episodes written in English, and one translated into Secwepemctsin already, I have the first episode recorded into a rough soundtrack, and I have all of action storyboarded, and broken down into what keyframes scenes and objects are needed. So i'm ready to place all of the objects and create a rough draft of the animation that will be choppy picture to picture animation, and I'll fill the action in later. Before that, I will cut the final soundtrack, and add sound effects and stuff. Then I'll bring it to funding sources and seek the money I would need to complete the project.

I do own the domain http://BattleGalaxy.net , but I have not posted a website up there yet. When I do, it will probably contain a blog if you want to follow my progress.

Current Mood: happy
Tuesday, October 26th, 2010
1:14 pm
Day 2 Battle Galaxy
I have reinstalled a fresh system to work on the animation with. so I have a fresh install of Ubuntu, with Blender and Makehuman installed, and I am about to kick ass on this project. I am hoping to have a rough mock of the first episode by the end of the first two weeks, and then work on refining it, and cutting a final draft of the soundtrack for the next 4 weeks.

so, day one and day two have been about setting up the appropriate technology for the project. I'll get to work on setting up keyframes tomorrow. I have a storyboard already divided into shots, so it won't be too hard to figure out what goes where at least.

I am keeping track of my story ideas for the novel, and for the short story series I have started as well, and in my spare time I will be writing them. I have a few edits for the short story I posted at http://cweth.com , and hopefully it will make it more readable. the other goal of my rewrites on this story would be to add some humour in the form of smart ass comments made by the main character, and to characterize him in a way that will at once endear him to the reader, and still give the reader an idea that we're not dealing with the nicest and least murderous man on the planet.

Current Mood: artistic
Monday, October 25th, 2010
8:39 am
taking a break from my novel

I have been writing a novel over the past several weeks, and am having a great time doing it. I feel as though my ideas are fairly original, and I'm executing it pretty well. I think that I would enjoy reading the novel I'm writing, and I think that means it's at least ok.

I have started another blog specifically for promoting my writing, and sharing my progress and also some short stories that I will post there. It is at: </ br>

I am going to have to take about 6 weeks off of my novel in order to finish up a paid job. I'll be animating a script my son and I wrote a couple of years ago. There is finally funding for me to get some work done on it, and I'm excited.

It's about a war between two groups of space ninjas... the evil Nintse Army, and the Miso Maso knights. It is written in my native Secwepemc language, and will be used as material to help children learn, but to make them want to learn as well. I am very very excited about the opportunity I am being given to help bring my nation something they have never had before.

These six weeks will be spent making a rough draft of the animation. I'll be setting up key frames, and dividing the script into the shots that will eventually take place. I will also be cutting the soundtrack, and hopefully I'll be able to help direct the acting as it's recorded; however, that may not be possible, as my star actor lives in Victoria, and I do not have a travelling budget. In fact, the only budget I have is my wages. The school will pay actor honourariums. that's my understanding at any rate... but if I have to ask my actors to work pro bono, I'm sure they would.

I'll put up more information about the show, and how it progresses as I go.

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
10:59 pm
Whew some time alone
well i've had pretty steady company for weeks now, and my mom just left yesterday... It was a wonderful visit, and i'm glad she came that's for sure... but it's nice just to have some alone time with the Boy... It would be better to have time alone with just GF and the Boy, but not yet. GF's visit was great too. Although it's not really a visit, because it's her house too... but having her home for a couple days was really nice. We were all really ready for her to just be here, but she's still got lots of moving things to do first.
I'm really in need of a nice relaxing bath, and some sleep i think. I'm just trying to update really quick... maybe i'll talk more about my Mom's visit later.
Friday, August 4th, 2006
4:54 pm
kokopelli website
Today i wasn't feeling as good as yesterday... i woke up with all my muscles sore, and i went right back to bed. got up again around 9, and started working on a kokopelli themed website template. Kokopelli is a sort of fertility symbol from Navajo. anyway, the website looks ok'ish. pretty good i think, but i don't feel satisfied, because it's not a finished product yet, that i can put up on my website template store.
I made 3 boxes of macaroni, and then spilled it in the sink... got so mad i threw the rest of the macaroni and my large pot. broke the pot... made a huge mess. and took me half an hour to calm down. I think i was working too long on the site.

blah blah blah... GF comes tmrw... :( i was so excited she might show up tonight... but :D she's coming... horay! i better make the house all nice for her.
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
6:07 pm
Wow things are great today
Today i woke up to Linden screaming about the city workers mowing our lawn... and i'm like "they're not mowing our lawn, he just thinks they are" ... but he was right. except the City part lol... my cousin Vance, who mows for the Band Office mowed half my lawn today while he was in the neighbourhood. And he mowed under the picnic table at my beach, and cut down all the shrub, so there'll be sunlight on the sandy part in the afternoons... I mowed the rest of my lawn today as well, so it looks nice'ish. I put in some mulch into my garden to help fill in some of the areas that've been puddling. I'm stoked about my new online template store with nothing in it yet, but it's fully functional, that's what i'm stoked about. The house is cleanish, and i'm going for a sweat tonight. horay!

Linden is coming in the sweat with me today... because he's been talking so much about the Creator lately, and asking all kinds of questions about what the sweatlodge is, and how do we talk to the Creator when we're in there. And does the Creator come in there with us. And what's it like. So i guess it's time to bring my little guy to church... and it's his last chance for a while, since we're taking the Lodge down for a while to rebuild it. Been trying to get a hold of GF just to get her ok on it. I've been going over what Linden is to expect... and most importantly what he has to do if it gets to hot for him, to get out... just what he has to say to me, and how he has to end his prayer. And telling him that it's going to be VERY dark in there... and pretty hot. my brother will take it easy on the steam for a little guy, but he still needs to know it'll be hot so it can get us clean. Anyway, i'm pretty excited about that.

Anyway, not much to say, just that i'm feeling good mainly.
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
3:08 pm
the world is cooling down
the days finally haven't made me scream with the heat... the last 3 days have been pretty cool here. even 2 days were too cold for swimming :o .My energy levels went back up for a bit... well i can stay awake all day now anyway. But really what i need is enough things to fill my days, and enough reasons to do the filling. Like my drum making business, if it sells things.

I'm pretty excited about my internet stuff now... i finally went ahead and set up a shopping cart that hooks up to paypal, and it was much easier than i expected. I need to find the ideal shoppingcart for me, that agrees with my sensibilities with regard to how a page should be designed, because zencart is done with css instead of tables... which is ok, except i don't design like that normally. One that does templates similar to geeklog would be much better... i can choose to do css or tables how i like.

GF and our friends Qella and Max are coming this weekend, depending on Max's dad's permission. So i haven't told the boy yet, just in case it's not definite.

i had a bit of a nap, but it doesn't seem to have been enough of one :(
but if i have another nap, that'll be two naps :o
i don't know what to do...
Friday, July 28th, 2006
4:13 pm
Holy crap it's hot
i'm really struggling to keep my energy levels up with this unrelenting heat. It's not really all that bad... i've noticed that the past couple days it doesn't seem so bad if you're doing things. Even when i went to scorching hot kamloops it wasn't so bad because i was busy. And also, we have the lake to jump in any time it gets unbearable. That's a definite life saver.

GF has been really worried about the heat, because she's used to Vancouver, and more mild climate, but prbly we'll be too busy to notice the heat. making the house and yard nice... and i'm hoping to be finding some work. I've been hoping that for 3 years now tho, and have had only a couple little jobs... so ... GF won't have trouble finding jobs, because she has a skill that everybody needs. My skill only a few people need, and only 12% of those that need it, want it.

oops... i lost focus, and read the little view friends panel on the left column, and now i don't know what i'm saying...

Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
5:31 pm
art of my own
i'm thinking it's very long past due for me to come up with some more art of my own... maybe i'll make a political documentary on the crusade of one man to revolutionize the conservative non-fiction world.
or maybe i'll think of something else... but whatever it is, i'm going to start on something today.
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
6:23 pm
My Sister's roadtrip van
well i'm down in Burnaby again visiting GF. Probably our last visit with her before she moves up north with us... an event which will hopefully happen sooooon.
My sister came from Alberta to visit, and brought her two little angels. they're sure sweet kids. she stayed at my house... i wasn't a very great host... what with no working stove, and the very dregs of my grocery reserves. but i was able to find beds for them all, which is more than i thought i would have been able to do.
I found a drink that i totally love down at the Gelato shop here in Burnaby, but it's not something they have on their menu, and they've decided to charge me 6.50 for it... which i think is kinda sorta ridiculous... but, ok here's the thing... i looooooove coffee. Coffee is a hot beverage. Summer is not a time when one goes around wanting hot beverages; however i do still want coffee. Some coffee shops have gotten around this problem by developing very nice frozen coffee beverages such as the Frappuccino and other such things... which ALL contain milk, and absurd amounts of seneless sugar. I don't like things that are flavoured with sugar... it's silly, but sugar can be part of a fruity flavour and i can enjoy it... anyway, i'm pretty allergic to milk, on top of being lactose intolerant... so most of these frozen drinks are out of the question, since soy milk doens't work to make them with... now the gelato place made me this wonderful frozen beverage with 3 shots of espresso, and only charged me 4.99 which isn't too terrible a price... today, however, i go back there and they say nope, it's 6.50 now... but it still was enough to kick me in the pants and get my engine going... plus it tasted yummy... so maybe it's worth it. i dunno.
well GF is at work now, i'm feeling kinda down today. I was going to go and wait for her while she did her one appointment, and then we'd all 3 hang out at the park together... but i started feeling sad for no reason, no energy... et cetera. so i cut out, and go get one of those gelato coffees. I'm feeling a little better now... what with 3 shots of espresso in me... now we're trying to get a whole of Linden's friend, and hang out for a few minutes while Opal gets home... then i dunno what... hopefully i won't continue to feel as useless... bah i gtg, i'm not feeling good again.
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
5:51 pm
Joined Freecycle and got free daughters
ok the girls are my neices actually, and they got brought by my brother... but in addition to babysitting, i did join the local freecycle. I put in an offer for the 3 Electric stoves littering my yard. And i'm busy the past couple of days sorting through the junk into things i can bag up and put out with the weekly garbage pickup, and things i can bring down to the firepit and burn, and things so large i need someone with a truck to come help me haul it to the dump... and hopefully someone actually will come get those stoves. maybe i should put in a post at the local grocery store board as well. Free: dumpy stoves in my yard.

My Neice AK and the Boy are looking out the window and pretending to see scary animals to try and scare the other... AK is pointing at a spider and saying "BEAR" ... lol... i guess she doesn't know the boy is scared of spiders. They've been all competing recently. Electricity Boy did this... oh yah well my MOM can do THAT lol...
Saturday, July 8th, 2006
1:28 pm
the manual lawn mower
well i finally decided to give the manual lawn mower a try yesterday, and it worked out ok'ish. Cut well enough i think. But when i woke up today, oi was i sore. So i got Linden his breakfast and went back to sleep to let my muscles heal a little.

Yesterday we went to Darrin's, and tried finishing the wall for the sweat lodge. we managed to get most of it done, but left one last frame for another day, so in case we needed to feel like we had a productive day another day, we could go out and do that.

Other than that, i planted most of the rest of those flowers, only two plants left unplanted at the moment. We went swimming yesterday, and i weeded the beach a little, and raked it.

I'm really big on writing my updates out of order, and not very big on making sure they make sense.


now i'm taking a break from mowing the lawn to say horray... i found a way to install programs onto my fedora system without having to satisfy the dependencies myself... i'm new to fedora... was a mandrake man till a couple weeks ago, and i'm pretty excited about yum

la la la... that's all
Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
5:59 pm
the garden, and some new coffee
So i planted some of the flowers yesterday, and today hopefully i'll plant the rest of my plants... the other flowers, the tomatoes, and the green peppers. I think i'll have some of my plants even survive. The basil doesn't look like it's going to pull through, but some of the other herbs don't look phased in the slightest by the new ground. some of the flowers have lost their flowers, but the lady at the nursery said they'd prbly just grow back. i'm excited to have my own hot peppers. i'd love to learn how to pickle them myself... maybe next year, or a year after. Another thing that i'd like to learn how to do, is create my own seeds for the following year. I know that a lot of seeds have genetically engineered out the ability to reseed, but maybe i can get a garden going independantly.

my Oldest brother and i have been talking about making a large greenhouse, to produce food for the village. perhaps for export as well. I'd like to start up a farmer's market for foodstuffs grown locally to be sold locally. a few decades ago, i'm told, the Indigenous peoples grew most of the vegetables throughout the province. But they made it illegal to buy food off of a Native person. Pretty silly laws they make just to keep us down. My community does produce a lot of its own food through gardens and such, but that's only good during growing season. So i'd like to get a commercial greenhouse started to keep it going through the year.

Another thing i've been thinking of getting started is an environmentally friendly manufacturing plant. No specific products in mind, i figure we'd do commissions from other companies. And one more thing, that might not be exactly in keeping with my own personal life, but that the community would be better to have, is a proffessional butcher and slaugherhouse. As far as i know, a person has to go to town to get services like that.

Yesterday, my son got a little sunburn on his little back :(( ... but it doesn't seem like it's too bad, he only complains about it every once in a while. I hope it heals quickly, and i'll get some sunscreen for him as soon as i can, so

And i raked the beach a little more... it's turning into quite a nice little sandy beach. And i brought my school books down there the other day and did a little reading... maybe i mentioned that in another entry, i dunno. I need to find time everyday for doing my damn schoolwork, or i'll never get it done.

well today i'll plant the rest of my plants, and read a chapter of my school text... and i can call it a productive day... right now i have to play a game of freeciv with my brother.
Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
12:39 pm
Great days, and cleaning up
The days around here have been sunny sunny and hot. The afternoon heat turns my brain off for several hours, but i jump start it at around 3-4 by jumping in the lake. Today i'm pumping it full of caffeine hoping it'll wake me up.

I did a bunch of gardening yesterday, and my muscles are sore today, and my body wanted to sleep in and recover from it. Or at least that's why i figure i slept in.

I went to the nursery the other day, and bought some plants... 3 hot pepper plants, and 4 yellow pepper plants, and two tomatoes... some Rosemary, mint, chamomile, stivia, and maybe a couple others... and a bunch of flowers as well.

I have a little patch of dirt dug out of the yard now, and most of the weeds and roots dug out of it... my cousin was supposed to come by yesterday and rototill it, but he didn't show up. I might wait and see if he shows up tonight, or just go ahead and soften up the soil by hand tools, and plant my things.

I also discovered that the area right beside the area on the beach we were planning on buying sand for, is sandy lol. I can't believe i never noticed it before. So i started clearing out the vegetation so it can be used as a real beach... plucking the trees that are growing in the water, and weeding the sand part so it's nice and clear. and picking up the glass and disposing of it.

my coffee doesn't taste all that great, so i'm washing it down with Caffeinated Mountain Dew. I should really go grab some caffeine pills one day, but i feel like it might be a little excessive every time i go in with the intention of buying it. Because my energy levels are high enough that i can function, and get things done, and keep the house clean... but some days i get so low energy that i can barely wade through my own lack of motivation and mental functionality to get anything done.

The boy loves living beside the lake. We've been going swimming everyday, and he gets so sad when i decide it's time to come back to the house. So what i'm going to do is get a lounge chair down there, and read my school book while he hunts for rocks and makes boats for ants and whatever else he does.

He's always inventing things for his baby cousin P. He invented a lego machine once that he called the something or other "Consistence Aperture" i dunno i can't remember, but it was intended to measure her while we're gone, so we'll always know how big she is. And he invented something to help her walk, and a boat for her. He loves her so much... i think he'll make a great big brother. Especially since the age difference is what it will be if we have one soon. His cousin M and he get along great, but they fight a lot because there's only about a year difference. 6 years difference, they'll still be kids together, but not have to share anything.

Yah this month has been prbly my best in a long while. For a couple of years now i had really given up on living for myself, because people were taking care of the living parts for me. I know that all i added was responsibility for the bills, and not for earning the money for them, and cooking and cleaning, and other household maintainance issues... i guess i added a lot of responsibility... i was about to get down on myself.

I am still not really ready to have a job yet. I'm hoping that my website design career will take off, and my company will make enough money to support my brother's and my families. GF will have her own income when she's here, i just hope that i don't end up not having one as well.

I think that i'd really like to get into drum making and painting. Sell on a litle paypal store... advertise on eBay maybe ... I'd like to make things, and making things that have potential for sale would prbly be best, since hitherto my own art has just littered my own home, and not really been anything that people would be proud to own... lol, i know i was never too proud of my own art. It was never the finished product that made me happy to be an artist, but the act of making something. the act of creation. And although i'm not the most passionate man at all times, i was always passionate about my art.

I think that the way that i want to live is to have a lot of activities that i enjoy doing, and that will produce an income, or at least has the possibility of producing an income. the garden is an investment in food... which will save money... that's almost as important as producing an income. GF also wants to get the woodstove my landlord has installed, and that's an investment in saving money on gas this winter. prbly save us hundreds of dollars. if not more, from what I hear about natural gas prices. I'd also like to look into solar power options, if we ever build our own house. I would prbly like to have a bchydro line as well, to run my computer off of, or in case the solar isn't 100% reliable or something. I dunno. I'd like to raise my own chickens for eggs as well, and have a greenhouse so i can have longer growing seasons to grow more of our own food. and some fruit trees, and a big deep freeze to keep berries and other vegetables frozen through the winter. And i'd also like to look into a natural source of caffeine that i could grow in this climate... either in the greenhouse or field.

this entry wasn't written in order, and i don't feel like going over to make sure it makes sense. since i'm the only one reading it anyway.
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
6:21 pm
not too bad today... not yet anyway...
today was banking day for me... so i went to town and paid my cable/internet/phone bill... which was surprisingly small, much less than i thought it would be. I paid my rent, and did a little shopping. bought some swimming shoes for the Boy, and goggles. Got some batman bandaids just in case, anda beard trimmer... cuz i hate shaving. I did a little yard work at my brother's and acquired a rake and manual lawn mower to do my own lawn... but now i think that i'll hire the neighbour to cut my lawn instead... in fact, i'll go do that after i'm done this post. after it's nicely trimmed it'll be easier to maintain with my manual lawnmower.
I still miss GF like crazy. I don't think i've ever missed anybody more, because i'm anticipating her coming to stay, and just 2 days wasn't long enough... But soon, i'll have her all the time, and things'll be great.
And i took the boy down to the water, and swam a little... which was much fun with his new swimming shoes, and goggles. He wasn't brave enough to put his head underwater, but he tried a few times. Almost made it once, got his nose wet. And i'm warming up to GF's idea of ordering sand.
And the landlord came by a couple times, my cousin, and he got me a little down... he wasn't in good shape.
Oh the neighbour is home now... i'm going to go and check if he'll do the lawn.
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
10:36 pm
GF finally saw the lake house
GF was just here for two days... the first day was spent in the hospital getting a Cat Scan to make sure she wasn't having a stroke, and that kind of sucked, but it was also kinda good since she's been waiting months to have a Cat scan in Vancouver, and she got it here in one day. Even tho it was an incredibly long day. Today was great tho... we had a nice leisurely morning not doing anything in a hurry, and then we headed out to Salmon Arm, and i showed them some of my family's land that i've been considering settling on and off for years now, and then we went to a little beach and got out feet wet... no swimming cuz we forgot towels and change of clothes, but it was nice. then we went to Salmon arm and checked out a couple neat shops, and i bought some swimming shoes... since i live right on the lake now, i plan to spend a lot of time in the water... then we stopped for ice-cream on the way home... and when we got home, GF and her Dad and the Boy and I all went swimming... it was great. Swimming in my own backyard. And Having GF here was the greatest part
She left this evening, and after i put the Boy to bed i cried for an hour that she was gone. I love her so much, and miss her too much already. It was so good to have her here finally to see where she's going to live with us, and be a family again both settled into the same house... even officially, not just secretly lol.
Well... hopefully my heart won't ache for her this much for too much, because i have to wait another few weeks for her to come back.
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
12:23 pm
Blue Sky
ok i'll set the scene... the sky is blue, it's a warm summery day in June. I've caffeinated myself with a rockstar energy drink, and i'm ready to go find something to do.

Basically, the only thing lately that's gotten me out to do anything is to find more caffeine to keep myself going. My energies have been so low, that my son is making up stories about how his Superhero friend Electricity Boy's father is so sluggish that he needs massive amounts of coffee just to stay awake.

Maybe it's the pot of coffee i drink in the morning when i'm back home, but being on the coast always makes me tired. Even sunny days, which have normally been quite energizing for me i only seem to manage to stay on my feet a little longer. Today i'm gonna do it tho. I slept in a little... but no naps and no quick lay-downs... no nothing but staying up today. So i'll prbly go for a walk down to Starbucks and grab a light-roast coffee... i'm not a big fan of coffee, so i go light-roast for less flavour and more caffeine, it's a great combination. I almost went and bought caffeine pills at the drug store the other day, and maybe i should. They work anyway...

I was going to take my son to a park this morning, but our playdate cancelled on us... hopefully we can get together with them before he has to go back to his father's house, because Linden sure Misses his little friend 'M' when we're up north.

When i was just came of age... not so long ago, but not yesterday... i was so dynamic that it was rare if i went too long without travelling or too long without meeting likeminded people. There'd be crowds of revellers come to bask in my radiant presence... lol, ok maybe i'm getting a little carried away. But i was definitely a reveller, and there were others always around.

Everything was so easy tho, when there's no responsibility, and the universe throws money at you for odd jobs or "contract" work in an array of skillsets. not tonnes of money, but the no responsibility part also included no fiscal responsibilities.

I haven't managed to keep up with the changing realities of my life... What i need is a way to find that energy in my new life. My life as a father.

Okay, i didn't do a very good job of setting the scene... Forgot to mention the fact that i'm bipolar, and that the low energy levels are very much a part of that reality as well... and one that i struggled with even in the Golden Age to which i was referring... but the solutions that worked then don't work now. Such as: sleeping all day and partying all night... not allowed; or making things more exciting with hallucinogenic substances... not very ok; or recharging myself with bouts of Brian Wilsonism... very not okay, but unfortunately still happens from time to time.

One thing that i would love to have in my life, but can't seem to afford it, is to have my art back... to be an active painter again. The thing is that i'm not that good, and so have no hope of making a living at it... but i love to do it. and doing something you love is definitely important... and doing GF isn't always an option ... :D

Well when i get back to Chase i'm going to set up my painting space and paint... everyday i'll try to do some painting... and writing used to be a large part of my life as well... which is one of the reasons i started this LiveJournal. The kind of inspiration i used to have doesn't seem to happen anymore, because one thing i have gotten good at doing is managing my manic episodes, and that's when inspiration used to strike.

Well i'm just rambling, and today the plan is to clean GF's house for her before the boy and i head up north again.
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